AS IF HIS SEEMING IMMORTALITY WASN'T TROUBLING ENOUGH, HAIRZILLA IS NOW LAYING OUT THE GENETIC BLUEPRINTS OF AN ARMY OF EVIL CLONE FOOT-SOLDIERS. SOURCES HAVE ALERTED WTYS ABOUT MAY'S LATEST TERRIFYING ENDEAVOUR, SAYING: "MAY HAS HOLED HIMSELF UP IN HIS DUNGEON LAB, PORING OVER HIS STOLEN TESLA DOCUMENTS AND OTHER PAPERS FROM ARCHIVED NAZI DEATH-CAMP EXPERIMENTATIONS BY 'FRANKENSTEIN' DOCTORS OF THE THIRD REICH, TRYING DESPERATELY TO UNLOCK THE GENETIC SECRETS OF HUMAN CLONING WITH THE FULL INTENTION OF CLONING HIMSELF AND TURNING THE MAY-DRONES INTO CYBERNETIC-SUPER-SLAVES IN A BID FOR NEW WORLD ORDER DOMINATION."
OUR SOURCES GO ON TO WARN US THAT MAY WILL "STOP AT NOTHING" TO MAKE HIS "DARKSIDED DREAMS COME TRUE. ALL WE CAN DO IS HOPE THAT CURRENT TECHNOLOGY MAKES THIS 'HAIRBRAINED' SCHEME OF HIS IMPOSSIBLE, BUT WHO KNOWS WHAT KIND OF BLACK BUDGET ABOVE TOP SECRET CLASSIFIED GOVERNMENT INFORMATION MAY HAS ACCESS TO? I'D TAKE PRECAUTIONS AND ASSUME THE WORST: THAT MAY WILL SUCCEED IN HIS INSIDIOUS EVIL SCIENTIST DOOMSDAY PLOT. I PRAY FOR US ALL, I PRAY THAT THE POWER OF DEACON WILL PREVAIL AND THE LIGHT AND LOVE OF MERCURY WILL ENVELOP ALL THE LAND."
Say it's not true...I will be distilling water by the gallon and stocking my bombshelter with plenty of dry and canned goods upon hearing this news.
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