HAIRZILLA FUMING OVER ROYAL WEDDING SNUB

It was a blissfully BM-free day for His Royal Highness Prince William Arthur Philip Louis, Duke of Cambridge, Earl of Strathearn, Baron Carrickfergus, Royal Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter, Master of Arts and his elated bride, Miss Catherine Elizabeth, Duchess of Cambridge.

The highly aniticipated and much-lauded "Wedding of the Century" happened this morning at London's Westminster Abbey. Billions of eyes were watching as Prince William and his stunning bride Kate were joined together in holy matrimony in what is regarded as the fairy tale marriage of the millenium. However, among the noted royals, nobles, and dignitaries present at the joyous event, one thing was conspicously absent - the mottled bale of perm-fried hair which is attached to the head of Dr. Brian H. May, Commander of the British Empire. True to form, the rageaholic badger blaster was none too pleased about the regal cold-shouldering. 

"Brian was PISSED when he found out he didn't make the guest list. When Anita tried to console him, May just called her a whore, kicked her in the vag, and collapsed into a pool of mercurial goo, similar to Alex Mack or those Capri Sun commercials. The gelatinous puddle of May then slithered out the bottom of the doorway. Even Anita hadn't seen that one before".

BM, Prince Charles, and robotic drummer Roger Taylor (in his Rod Stewart form - notice how they're never photographed in the same place at the same time) pal around at the Palace Garden Party.

Due to May's closeness to the Royal family, his iconic "pied piper" moment playing "God Save the Queen" atop Buckingham Palace, and his "old friendship" with Charles, Reptilian Prince of Wales, it was speculated by many that the demonic dilettante would indeed be in attendance at the historic ceremony. Just days ago, in a desperate bid for a last-minute spot on the guest list, Permo nervously joked during an interview that his royal invitation "must have gotten lost in the mail". May, who once infamously threatened to have a local politician's "guts for garters" over his alleged stance on the rights of badgers and hedgehogs, proceeded to give the bloodthirsty Prince Charles a free pass regarding his slaughter of untold numbers of Britain's ancient fox population during Royal hunting excursions. May chooses to ignore the foxes of the Royal body count, saying "diplomatically" (or, more accurately, hypocritically), "I have a very high regard for [Prince Charles], but then he's been VERY good to me. I know there are areas on which we disagree, so I don't bring them up. I don't want them to come between us".
 So why, then, was the marauding mophead denied entry to the illustrious debut of Britain's future king and queen despite his cozy relationship with Prince Charles? Sources from inside Buckingham Palace have come to We Think You Should claiming that the Royal snub had nothing to do with May's buddy Charles - it was a precautionary move taken by the bridegroom himself. Furthermore, the source goes on to claim that Wils' decision to block BM from attendance had to do with a haunting warning issued to the young Prince William by his dearly departed mother Diana, Princess of Wales.

May frequently - and eerily - compares Freddie with the tragic Queen of Hearts.

One source says that the beautiful Diana, who famously claimed she feared there were those who were out to get her, advised her eldest son about May just weeks before her tragic conspired murder. "He's no good", she warned. "He frightens me...and I know he wants something from us. He's not to be trusted." Later, at his mother's own funeral, "Wils was petrified near the point of tears upon catching a glimpse of May's unbridled joy."

From then on, the orphaned young prince has been wary of the baggy-eyed reptilian dark mage and has made a concerted effort to keep a keen distance from May. "Years later", the source goes on, "when William caught wind that BM was, in fact, involved with Prince Harry's Nazi photo shocker (a move orchestrated to disgrace the bastard ginger prince), Wils vowed then and there to hit May where it hurts: by barring him from the Royal Wedding - no matter the cost."

A final shocking incident confirmed Prince William's darkest fears about May - and shook the future king to his core. "Wils had made an appointment to meet with HRH Queen Elizabeth regarding some wedding plans soon after the official announcement. As the palace guards opened the doors to the throne room, William caught a glimpse of a terrifying sight: his grandmother, the Queen of England, was not only in reptilian form - but bowing down on her hands and knees to a velvet-cloaked Brian May. William saw the Queen look up at May and whisper "your Majesty.." as she licked his foot with a brittle, black, forked tongue. William just turn and ran. Harry kept asking him what was wrong over and over again, and when Wils was finally regained enough composure to answer, he only managed to mutter "I don't know what I saw, Harry. I don't know anything anymore."

A smug BM applies an extra-strong deathgrip to both his CBE and mistress-turned-wife Anita. The sci-fi folk minstrel is gunning for a dukedom, or at the very least, a knighthood.

Another source claims that William definitely has good reason to worry. "BM is panicking that William and Kate will shut him out of the Royal circle and shutter him from high profile events when they take over the throne (if the Queen ever dies). He's already seeing it happen, and he's definitely NOT thrilled about it."

"May always was jealous of Diana, and felt she was a barrier between himself and Prince Charles - and he found it difficult to hide his pleasure upon hearing the news that of her devastating murder by the hands of the Queen."

"Everyone's saying Kate is the next Diana - I just hope for her and Will's sake, she isn't."

TAGS: ROYAL WEDDING CELEBRITIES, BRIAN MAY AT THE ROYAL WEDDING, THE PRINCESS DIANA CONNECTION, WILLIAM AND KATE KISS, FASHION BUG, TONYA HARDING, CAPRI SUN, SNICK, PRINCE HARRY NAZI SETUP, CHRONIC ADULTERERS, SNUBS, DODO SLAYERS, BRIAN MAY STILL HATES ANIMALS, BRIAN MAY DOESN'T CARE IF PRINCE CHARLES KILLS FOXES BUT HE FUCKING WANTS YOU DEAD IF YOU DO IT, HYPOCRITES, PATHOLOGICAL LIARS, CLOAKS, REPTILIAN SHADOW GOVERNMENT, ILLUMINATI RITUALS, DAGGER RAPE, RAGEAHOLICS, TWO-BIT UKELELIST, KATE MIDDLETON BIKINI, POTATO BEARS, KATE MIDDLETON NUDE PICS, ROYAL SNUBS, PRINCE WILLIAM VS. BM, BRIAN MAY AND THE WINDSORS